Angry Ward Wednesday: Packers Out, 2017 Almost Over, Mets Still Meh

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NEW YORK, NY – It’s December 20th, if you’re reading this right now you clearly are tired of making believe that you’re working (most definitely) or finally worn out on the almost-constant showings of Christmas Vacation and Elf on TV (probably) or just in need of major psychiatric help (bingo!). Whatever it is, here you are… and I’m so, so, sorry. Let’s just try to make the best of it and get through this, shall we?

Green Bay Packers, Angry_Ward Calhoun, Trump, Green Bay Packers, Meet_The_Matts

Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc?

The Most Wonderful Time of the YearThe Dallas Cowboys are still in the NFL playoff hunt, but the Green Bay Packers are out, and that’s awesome! Pete Carroll’s Seahawks got mauled at home last week and are most likely catatonic at this point. Also great! And the New York Giants were quietly euthanized just yesterday. It was the humane thing to do. If Santa can just deliver doomsday for Dallas and Zeke getting fed his own teeth, it should be the Merriest Christmas ever.

2017 Potentially Not the Worst Year EverWas this year every bit as bad as we imagined it might be? You betcha! Trump did Trump things that even the worst of our Trump nightmares or Trump’s own shriveled pea-brained planning could possibly conjure. If you’re a man and famous and/or remotely powerful and you weren’t accused of rape or some sort of sexual misconduct, CONGRATULATIONS! You may or may not be an okay human being. Time, and potential victims, will tell. Also, as always, a lot of football players got concussed and crippled and many cool people died. But don’t hate on 2017 too hard, because 2018 is just as eager to disappoint. If my Vikings win the Super Bowl, I can almost guarantee the apocalypse. So, buckle up.

cookie-rojas, bobblehead, Meet_The_MattsThe New York Mets: Models of ConsistencyThe Mets haven’t really done anything this off-season. I mean, anything at all. It’s like they’re waiting for a sign, from anyone. Maybe they’re biding their time, maybe they’re just being cautious, maybe it’s Cookie Rojas at third base NOT waving them in. Whatever it is, the Mets will be going nowhere next year, just like the year before. Some people complain when things in New York change. No such worries with the baseball team in Flushing. Just like the chop shops that surround them, they aren’t going anywhere.

Christmas is for SteakIn case you don’t get the memo, I’ve discussed this with some of the deepest thinkers I know over multiple booze-fueled “Intellectual Reviews,” and we’ve decided that steak needs a holiday and it’s gonna be Christmas. No more turkey already, save your lamb for Easter, and you know what you can do with your baked ham. Steak! We need steak and steak needs a cool holiday like Christmas. It’s done. Just get on board and enjoy.

That’s all for this week. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who will be serving up Eagles and Knicks takes like leftover White Castles. That’s it for this week. And you can find us on Twitter at @Angry_Ward, @MeetTheMatts & @Matt_McCarthy00, Instagram @MeetTheMatts and our Facebook page, Meet The Matts.

 

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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