Angry Ward Wednesday: Rangers, Rodgers, Danica and Other Winter Sports Chick Flicks

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BRONX, NY – For the shortest month on the calendar, February sure as hell takes forever. How long can I possibly dwell on this fact? I’d say at least another week. There’s not a whole lot of sports drama percolating these days, and what little there is seems fairly contrived. You’re almost better off cozying up under a blanket and watching a chick flick. As it is, you’re practically doing it now. Here’s your easy Sports Chick Flick Viewing Decoder.

Angry-Ward-Mets-Rangers-Aaron_Rodgers-Danica_Patric-Winter-Sports-Chick-Flicks-Meet_The_Matts

Photo Caption Contest

Ice CastlesThe 2017-18 New York Rangers may not feature a blind blonde figure skater or the unbridled “aw shucks” enthusiasm of Robby Benson, but they sure as hell have lost sight of the playoffs and Henrik Lundqvist ain’t getting any younger.

Love StoryApparently Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers and soon-to-be-former race car driver Danica Patrick are an item. Even the biggest Hallmark Channel devotees would have a difficult time imagining this one having some sort of fairy-tale ending. It seems like something a PR company cooked up. Don’t get your heart broken rooting for these two, unless they change course and become a crime-fighting duo named, Cheese n’ Wheels.

Dying YoungThe upcoming Mets season.

Sorry, just needed to get that one slam dunk out of the way. Let’s proceed.

The Bodyguard. As the NFL draft approaches, one wonders if the New York Giants will even bother trying to find a bodyguard for Eli Manning at this point. After you’ve been jumped as many times as he has, don’t you just let him flinch and duck his way into retirement?

BeachesEvery Marlins fan, from Miami to… um… North Miami, thinks that new owner, Derek Jeter and old owner, Jeffrey Loria are Sons of Beaches. One guy tore the team down and gave them zero hope for the immediate future, the other pretty much date raped Dade county, robbed them blind, and left them holding the dinner check. Life’s a beach.

10 Things I Hate About YouSometimes you don’t need 10 things to hate about someone. Sometimes, one is more than enough. Take Rae Carruth, for example. He arranged to have his pregnant former girlfriend killed and now he’s getting out of prison and wants custody of the son that he pretty much had her killed over. This is just too depressing. I’m moving on.

13 Going on 30The answer to the question: “How many points are the Knicks down?

Pitch PerfectWhat JG Clancy’s Oakland A’s are going to have to do to finish over .500 this year.

The First Wives ClubMy wife still loves this movie, which is kinda funny. I still work for a guy who appeared in this movie, which is kinda semi-tragic.

All right, I’m just gonna stop right here. I’ll leave it to the peanut gallery to deal with The Notebook, Sleepless in Seattle, and Clueless. There’s some real low-hanging fruit there. Be sure to come back tomorrow for our own Dirty Dancer, Buddy Diaz. Nobody puts Buddy in the corner.

And you can find us on Twitter at @Angry_Ward, @MeetTheMatts & @Matt_McCarthy00Instagram @MeetTheMatts and like our Facebook page, Meet The Matts.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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