Céad Míle Fáilte To Cam James’ St. Patrick’s Day Sports Limericks

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DENVER, CO – The inimitable and unabashedly Irish American Cam James threw his Gaelic Pride (funny/naughty when when said out-loud) and hand in the air as today’s pundit. Actually it was a text exchange:

 Cead Mile Failte To Cam James’ Pre St. Patrick’s Day Sports Limericks

Cam James… Rockin’ Denver on St. Patrick’s Day!

CAM: Am I writing Friday?
MANAGEMENT: If you like.
CAM: Okay. I have the house to myself tomorrow. You are getting 500 words of drunken sports limericks. Céad Míle Fáilte To Cam James’ St Pat’s Sports Limericks.

Call-Girl-Loredana-Jolie-Claims-Tiger-Woods-Included-Other-Men-In-His-Sexual-EncountersAnd with that, here goes:

Tomorrow everyone is Irish
Everyone will be acting childish
That is except for Matt
His liver will remain Glatt
His sobriety is anything but stylish

As you can see, I refuse to write in prose
That’s because I’m lit at the Killarney Rose
Today’s column will be
An homage to thee
Those Irishman in need of a doze

Tiger Woods is back on the course
His new game could be a force
He was at his best
When he never got rest
Someone get the man some whorespaid female companions [ahem]

As I sit and watch the tourney
My brain yearns for a gurney
It’s the NBA’s fault
The competition isn’t worth salt
Someone hire Sean Miller an attorney

Kentucky bought the calls
Some little white guy has big balls
Davidson tried to win
Maybe if their roster wasn’t kin
They would have been in thralls

Saints owner Tom Benson died
Not one tear has been cried
Outside of the county
No one has forgiven the bounty
Even Goodell wouldn’t let that one slide

Aaron Judge wants a super team
I have a feeling Machado will say C.R.E.A.M.
They Yankees will pay
Their fans will be gay
Then the team will lose all their steam

Robb Manfred is ruining the game
His incompetence is a crying shame
We call him commissioner
He has the IQ of an air conditioner
For anything bad that happens to baseball we have him to blame

If the Mets roster includes Tebow
(Nope… I got nothing here… just no).

For the fans of the Knicks
I think I have a fix
Give up all hope
Wash your mouth with scope
Meet me at the VIP I got free tix

Whence my liver has died
I want a limerick and to be fried
Father will say I was a good man
Which the women will pan
In heaven I won’t need Astro-glide

To all my O’s and Mc’s
Including the slickers and the hicks
May your St. Pats be merry
Drink lots of sherry
Try to be home by six… A.M. Sunday.

And there it is. A-350 word of Sports limericks… My candidate for Column of the Year.

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About the Author ()

Cam James hails from Missouri and is a down-the-line St. Louis fan: Rams, Cards, Blues... Thus his occasional "Ram Rules" column. He hates Kansas basketball, lives in Denver, been a wrestler, dabbled in Ultimate Fighting and plays hardball. Oh, and he's Opie Taylor white.

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