DENVER, CO – The inimitable and unabashedly Irish American Cam James threw his Gaelic Pride (funny/naughty when when said out-loud) and hand in the air as today’s pundit. Actually it was a text exchange:
CAM: Am I writing Friday?
MANAGEMENT: If you like.
CAM: Okay. I have the house to myself tomorrow. You are getting 500 words of drunken sports limericks. Céad Míle Fáilte To Cam James’ St Pat’s Sports Limericks.
And with that, here goes:
Tomorrow everyone is Irish
Everyone will be acting childish
That is except for Matt
His liver will remain Glatt
His sobriety is anything but stylish
As you can see, I refuse to write in prose
That’s because I’m lit at the Killarney Rose
Today’s column will be
An homage to thee
Those Irishman in need of a doze
Tiger Woods is back on the course
His new game could be a force
He was at his best
When he never got rest
Someone get the man some whores… paid female companions [ahem]
As I sit and watch the tourney
My brain yearns for a gurney
It’s the NBA’s fault
The competition isn’t worth salt
Someone hire Sean Miller an attorney
Kentucky bought the calls
Some little white guy has big balls
Davidson tried to win
Maybe if their roster wasn’t kin
They would have been in thralls
Saints owner Tom Benson died
Not one tear has been cried
Outside of the county
No one has forgiven the bounty
Even Goodell wouldn’t let that one slide
Aaron Judge wants a super team
I have a feeling Machado will say C.R.E.A.M.
They Yankees will pay
Their fans will be gay
Then the team will lose all their steam
Robb Manfred is ruining the game
His incompetence is a crying shame
We call him commissioner
He has the IQ of an air conditioner
For anything bad that happens to baseball we have him to blame
If the Mets roster includes Tebow
(Nope… I got nothing here… just no).
For the fans of the Knicks
I think I have a fix
Give up all hope
Wash your mouth with scope
Meet me at the VIP I got free tix
Whence my liver has died
I want a limerick and to be fried
Father will say I was a good man
Which the women will pan
In heaven I won’t need Astro-glide
To all my O’s and Mc’s
Including the slickers and the hicks
May your St. Pats be merry
Drink lots of sherry
Try to be home by six… A.M. Sunday.
And there it is. A-350 word of Sports limericks… My candidate for Column of the Year.
